Open to Reinterpretation

The same uncomfortable feelings can lead to different emotional experiences.

Several years ago, during a silent meditation retreat, I got annoyed when a young woman sat across from me at breakfast.

I know. Inspiring, right?

I don’t remember much about her or why she annoyed me. However, I do recall feeling more like a whiny middle school student than a grown man who had been off the grid for several days working on his attentional skills.

Applying some of the perception strategies I had been learning seemed like a good idea. So, I explored where I could feel specific body sensations related to the annoyance.

I noticed a subtly sad feeling around my eyes, the faint warmth of embarrassment on my face, and a cold ache gnawing at my sternum. Any pleasant sensations I had felt that morning had vanished along with my appetite.

Then I had an experiment idea: What would it feel like—literally, in my body—if someone I liked enormously had joined me at the table instead?

I pictured a close friend walking into the dining hall, her face lighting up when she saw me. I imagined smiling back at her, trying to communicate my affection without words across the table.

After spending a couple of minutes on this, I checked back in on my body sensations. The unpleasant tone had thinned out, and the flavors of frustration and disappointment had faded. I felt lighter. The momentum from the morning meditation sessions lingered like sunshine that clouds had briefly hidden.

I had another idea: What if I tried to redirect the fond feelings I felt for my friend toward the woman sitting across from me?

I was surprised how easily I could extend the same warmth to this stranger.

The relief was palpable, but what I observed next dramatically changed my understanding of how emotions work.

I scanned my body for emotionally charged sensations, just as I had done a few minutes earlier when my mood was a mix of sadness, embarrassment, and frustration.

This time, the sensations around my eyes and cheeks were accompanied by the hint of a smile, but the painful ache gnawing behind my sternum lingered. It still felt tender.

I decided not to analyze it or try to get rid of it. Instead, I allowed that vulnerable feeling to stay physical rather than turning it into a story about disappointment.

While the discomfort remained the same, its meaning seemed more flexible. Any remaining resentment and uneasiness melted into warmth, and the feeling in my chest became part of a different narrative.

I enjoyed my pancakes in silence across from a stranger who, oblivious to the dramatic shifts in my internal weather, now seemed like someone who could potentially become a friend.

Psychology professor Lisa Feldman Barrett distinguishes between feelings and emotions. Feelings are bodily sensations that arise from the brain's predictions about what might happen next. In contrast, an emotion is a narrative that combines these feelings with information about the current situation and memories of past experiences to form a prediction that better anticipates the immediate future.

“Your brain,” she states, “is using knowledge from the past to predict your immediate future, which becomes your present.”

In this model of constructed emotion, one can learn to reinterpret feelings and even revise the brain’s plans for responding to them.

In her book Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain, Dr. Barrett writes,

“It’s impossible to change your past, but right now, with some effort, you can change how your brain will predict the future. You can invest a little time and energy to learn new ideas. You can curate new experiences. You can try new activities. Everything you learn today seeds your brain to predict differently tomorrow.”

With mindfulness practice, you can learn to notice more nuance in perceptions that convey feelings.

You can sometimes use ordinary moments to observe your feelings and revise your immediate assumptions about what they mean.

By slowing down—more than ever—you can explore alternate interpretations, choose responses that promote greater fulfillment, and reduce feelings of habitual regret.